If You Don’t Remember Anything Else…

I literally just dropped my daughter and her mother off back home. I wanted to take them to grab something eat before heading back home myself. On my ride home tonight, I started thinking about what it means to be man, the things I would’ve told my son had I ever had one, and how precious this life is. I don’t care to be famous. I don’t even care if I ever become a millionaire. But what I do care about is living my life authentically. When I look in the mirror or lay my head down on the pillow at night, I want to see a man who I respect, admire, and am proud of. And I do! My only other goal now is to help other young men develop and cultivate that same pride in themselves as well.

I’m Just A Man

I might not be a preacher, a content creator, a social media influencer, or a celebrity, but I am a man who has triumphed over challenges that would drive most people to madness. I am a father, a co-parent, a teacher, an author, a blogger, a volunteer, and above all - a man. If I can influence and inspire even one young man before my time on this earth comes to an end, then I will have fulfilled my purpose. I have no desire to push men in a specific direction. My goal is simply to assist men in recognizing, reflecting on, and taking responsibility for whatever path they wish to pursue in life. He can opt to remain single, earn money, travel, enjoy meeting women, and lead a life with minimal liabilities. Alternatively, he can choose the route of becoming a husband and father. No path is inherently right or superior to another. What truly matters is that a man can stand strong and assured on the path he has selected and remain steadfast when challenges arise.

The Bachelor Life

If a man chooses a life filled with freedom, independence, and tranquility, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. This is the journey I have embraced for myself. However, I have a few insights to share for those who decide to take this route. (1) He must be certain within himself that this is the direction he wishes to pursue, as he will face criticism and insults from individuals who lack the intelligence and understanding to grasp his reasoning. (2) Even if he is single, it's perfectly fine for him to enjoy dating women, provided he is upfront and honest about his intentions and lifestyle. Many people mistakenly believe that being a bachelor means avoiding interactions with women; in reality, it’s quite the opposite. Being a bachelor simply means you have the power to decide how much you engage in certain activities and how significant they are to you. Finally, young men who choose to be bachelors should recognize (3) that being alone does not mean being lonely. You are not at a disadvantage compared to a married man; in fact, many married men feel isolated every night when they return home because their wives may not even converse with them. If a young man opts for the single life and embraces the bachelor life, there is nothing wrong with that choice. As long as he is not doing it out of bitterness, is committed to being productive, and seeks ways to contribute to his community, I say, go for it!

My Wife & Kids

On the contrary, if they choose to get married, that's wonderful! I fully support that decision. My personal feelings about marriage won't influence the guidance I offer to young men. It's not the institution of marriage that I dislike, but rather the lack of seriousness and preparation that many display towards it. If a young man aspires to marry and start a family, he should absolutely pursue that goal.

My only piece of advice is for him to recognize that being a husband demands a certain level of patience, awareness, and compassion that he must be prepared to provide. He should realize that his wife, despite being an adult, will naturally draw on his resources and energy, which he will often need to learn how to replenish independently. Why is this the case? Not because a loving wife doesn't care about restoring what she takes from him, but because he is responsible for her well-being as well as that of their children. Being a husband is a significant responsibility, as Kevin Samuels famously stated, "Pressure is made for shoulders, not hips."

That being said, it's important for a man to be as financially, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally prepared as possible. At times, a wife may need to express her feelings, share her thoughts, voice her complaints, seek comfort, be reminded of her beauty, feel loved, have some time alone, and require a man to back up his words with actions by taking her out and doing nice things for her. None of this is wrong! This is what being a husband is all about. However, it certainly feels better when the woman appreciates it and is deserving of it. Being a husband is a wonderful role, but a man must first be ready for it.

But above all else, he needs to ensure he has the right kind of woman by his side. This is where things can get complicated. The right kind of woman will differ from one man to another, but there is ONE essential quality every man should seek in a wife: she must have her own mind. Absolutely! A woman should be capable of independent thought and making her own decisions without relying on social validation, seeking approval from friends, or trying to conform to the latest trends. A man can be an excellent provider, protector, and caretaker, but if his wife is not a strong leader, it won't be long before the children mirror her behavior, and the entire household may fall apart.

So, What’s My End Goal?

At the end of the day, I simply want to encourage young men to make their OWN choices. Not the decisions their mothers wish for them. Not the decisions dictated by the church, school, or political influences. Not even the decisions suggested by the Bible, because if your heart isn't genuinely invested in something, it won't be long before you start to feel resentment towards yourself and whatever you believe forced you into that choice. I hope that by being an active father to my daughter, supporting and respecting her mother even though we aren't in a relationship, being an excellent teacher, sharing my experiences, and giving back to my community, young men will see this example and excel wherever they find themselves as well. The route you choose is not the problem; the mistake lies in not planning for it.