Should Men Trust Women?
Many men today believe that women are untrustworthy, that all women lie, and that engaging with women leads to negative outcomes. I disagree. I have a different perspective. I believe women CAN be trusted. Why is that? Allow me to share a story with you. It’ll make sense towards the end.
Hey Daddy!
I relocated from Louisiana to Charleston, SC at the end of May 2024. My daughter was 4 years old when we reconnected. Since I’m single and not really interested in dating unless it’s casual, I have plenty of free time. Therefore, she spends a lot of time with me! Sometimes she’s with me because her mom has to work, other times it’s because I simply miss her, and occasionally, it’s a family gathering. As I mentioned in another article, I’m not only an active father but also a supportive and involved co-parent. Until my daughter’s mother finds herself in a serious relationship, I make sure both of them are well taken care of. Nobody told me to do it, I chose to! But this isn’t solely because I’m single.
She Came VERY Close
Actually, not long after I moved to Charleston, I met a woman I was genuinely interested in making my girlfriend. She was quite a catch; enticing from head to toe, didn’t want marriage, which was a plus for us; smart, and willing to show love, too. I still recall the wonderful chicken stew she prepared for me one evening after I had given her the keys to my apartment; she aimed to surprise me - and she certainly did. The only bad part about the dinner was that she didn’t give me the recipe!
While marriage and living together aren’t on my agenda, that dinner almost changed my mind. However, after reconsidering the idea of cohabitation, I realized I truly preferred living alone and having a woman over rather than sharing a space. The best I could offer was a key to my place, which felt like a wedding ring to me! I hadn’t given anyone the keys to my apartment since my ex-girlfriend in Louisiana; but I was serious about her and wanted to commit to one woman.
Most men who do it well, know that after being a bachelor & dating random women, it can get boring because it’s almost too easy. I started wanting to be with just one woman, still do. I have no interest in being a husband (not with the current laws and dating scene), but I can be a boyfriend. Our romantic relationship ended, but for valid reasons. Even though she has a lot to figure out in her life, I enjoyed our time together and often think of her. Yet, I’m glad we never lived together because when things got complicated, we avoided the hassle of moving her belongings and all the drama that entails. I appreciate living alone. It’s serene, flexible, and did I mention - peaceful!
Be True To Yourself
Living on my own gives me the freedom to do what I want and also what I need, such as watching my child. I pay for a 2-bedroom apartment each month because I wanted a separate room for my daughter when she visits, as the living room just wouldn't suffice. I enjoy playing video games, reading, watching movies, studying, or writing; having her own room means she can play freely without me having to remind her to be cautious of the candle or the glass of red wine on the coffee table.
“Why Are You Still Sitting Here?”
One day, while she was visiting and her mom was at work, I gave her something to eat and then went to take a shower. She was 4 years old at that time. When I finished my shower, I saw that she was still sitting at the table. Her food had already been eaten. She wasn’t waiting for more food; she was waiting for me to throw her trash away and tell her to go play. I realized that she had been doing this frequently when her mother was around because her mom would always clean up after her. But me, being me, wasn’t going to do that! So, I showed her where the trash can was, reminded her where the bathroom was so she could wash her hands after throwing away the trash, and then pointed out her room. I didn’t show her these places because she didn’t know them; I guided her through the process so she could remember. I modeled the process she needed to follow after eating from that point on.
It took her about 2 to 3 more times, along with me being firm, for her to finally grasp that I was serious and wouldn’t be throwing her trash away for her. She began to throw away her trash, but when it came to washing her hands, she was still waiting for instructions on when to turn off the water and when to get out. I quickly put a stop to that as well. Eventually, she understood! I think she thought, “Let me pay attention to how this is done, so I can get this guy off my back.” My daughter was 4 years old then, but she was tall for her age, so she was definitely capable of doing it.
Now, That’s Better!
Fast forward to now, at 5 years old, I can shower like I did the other night, and she knows exactly what to do. She can throw away her own trash, use the restroom, make her bed, clean her room, get dressed, and even figured out that when her alarm clock buzzes, it means it’s time for bed. I don’t set an alarm for her to wake herself up (she’s 5; even most adults hit the snooze button). But I do enforce a bedtime. On Tuesday night, while I was cooking, I helped her brush her teeth, and then she dashed back to her room, her tiny feet moving fast as always.
As I was basting my chicken breast, I looked over at her; she was kneeling next to her bed with her tiny hands clasped, prepared for prayer. Another part of the bedtime routine! So, I lowered the heat and joined her in reciting the Lord’s Prayer, which she has learned now. It's adorable to hear her say it, even though she struggles with some words, but she gives it her best shot! Why am I sharing this? What does it have to do with trusting women? I'm happy you inquired.
Trust Is Earned NOT Given
I shared the story of how my daughter went from not being able to move independently to now being able to operate on her own, all because I trust her. Do I trust her completely? Not at all. She’s only 5. But do I have faith in her abilities? Absolutely. I have faith in her because of what she has shown me.
Unlike some parents who can’t even look away for 2 minutes without chaos breaking out, my daughter understands my expectations. She has been corrected and guided enough to realize that I will stand by my word and enforce it. Therefore, since I can rely on her for the simple tasks I’ve assigned, we enjoy our time together. However, that trust had to be developed, and I had to demonstrate how to cultivate it. Achieving this is often more challenging with children than with adults. I trust women with what I believe they can handle and that’s it!
Can Men Trust Women?
As a man who has experienced marriage, divorce, being single, dating, and having female friends, I would NEVER advise a man to trust a woman completely. It may sound appealing, but honestly, you shouldn’t place your trust in anyone (man or woman) 100%. Why is that? Because everyone has flaws - trust should be based on the loyalty and commitment they demonstrate towards you. However, I would also NEVER suggest that a man should not trust women. Women can be trustworthy! There is one thing you can always count on a woman to do - and that is to act according to her emotions. Is this a positive or negative trait? Well, it really depends on the type of woman you are with. If your wife or girlfriend is emotionally immature, childish, combative, and disrespectful, you can be sure she will often make the worst choices regarding your relationship.
On the other hand, if you have a woman like my daughter, who respects you, possesses emotional intelligence, doesn’t want to let you down, and understands the consequences of hurting you (like cheating, repeated disrespect, lying, etc.), she will value the relationship much more and will strive to avoid doing you wrong. So, yes, a man CAN trust a woman! He just needs to keep in mind that the only thing he can truly rely on her for 100% is to be guided by her feelings and emotions, as history has shown this to be the case. In marriages, men are often expected to perform during and, if divorce occurs, even after the marriage ends. Yet, a woman’s obligation to her marriage does not resume after divorce. And during the marriage, many women can get away with poor behavior on the premise of her being “an emotional creature.” This alone doesn’t make the idea of marriage too appetizing.
Yes! Men Can Trust Women
I don’t believe women operate on emotions because they were designed that way, I think history and society have allowed it to be this way - without consequence. Otherwise, what would be the purpose of God providing a man with a woman in his life (as stated in Proverbs 18:22) if she is merely going to be a burden? That doesn’t seem wise! Who would want that? I don’t believe women are designed to be irrational, troublesome, and emotional liabilities. While it is true that they flourish by experiencing various emotions, I find it hard to believe that an all-knowing God would create such an emotional burden for men to handle, particularly for those who are married. Women can be trusted, but trusted 100% to do whatever their emotions lead them to do (whether good or bad).
Stop Trying To Change Women
Where men often stumble is in their attempt to transform a dishonest, deceitful, and disloyal woman into someone trustworthy, simply because he is captivated by her appearance and believes he can change her. Stop ignoring the women who are good for you chasing after women who are bad for everybody. There are some good women who are attractive too, but they are usually at work, resting from work, minding their business, and doing life just like you. They are hard to sort through, but once you find her, it is up to you to decide how much you want to involve yourself with her (boyfriend, marriage, family, etc.).
Just remember that you cannot change a woman. You cannot love her into submission. As a man, your best course of action is to seek God's guidance, remain aware of the signs, and take action. Women are loyal and trustworthy - but only to their feelings. Stop trusting women based on what you WISH they could handle (your past, your trauma, your secrets, etc.) and start trusting them with what they SHOW YOU they can handle. This could mean, some women you won’t trust at all. A woman might disappoint me, but she can never leave me feeling bitter or jaded. I never allow myself to get that deep into trusting her. I trust her with the (1) thing I know she can handle. Men hurt themselves by trying to trust a woman with everything - that’s God's job!
Give Her Space & Give Her Grace
You can only hope and trust that you have chosen a woman who thinks before she acts or speaks - and not the other way around. Women tend to fall in love with men based on (1) what he does for her and (2) how he makes her feel. However, the reasons women may fall out of love can differ. How can you be sure that your woman will make the right choice when her emotions come into play? There’s no definitive answer, but if you have a woman who respects you and has consistently demonstrated that she values the relationship (more than being right, winning arguments that no one truly wins, or saying whatever she pleases, etc.), then you’ve found yourself a good one, and hopefully, that will never change! Don’t look for a woman to be perfect - look for effort.
