Sometimes, You Just Gotta Cut Em Off
One thing for certain, two things for sure, people will never understand how simple men really are! The other day, like I usually do, I was reflecting and thinking about life. At one point, I start thinking about all of the things that I am skilled or am learning how to do better. For example, I take pleasure in cooking, crafting beverages, painting, and writing. However, there is another area in which I excel. Something perilous! Something dangerous! What could it be?
I have a knack for severing ties with people who show me they aren’t for me, moving forward without harboring any resentment, and not giving it a second thought.
You may be thinking to yourself, "Wow, that’s unfortunate. What about my friends? What about my family?" I understand your perspective. Nevertheless, throughout my 32 years of life, I can genuinely assert that I have never severed ties with anyone who did not warrant it or who did not persuade me over time that they were capable of change. Many individuals I have distanced myself from (including friends, romantic partners, and even family members) were removed from my life after they failed to meet the mental deadlines I had established for them. Being loyal to a fault, I often notice certain traits, flaws, or minor infractions in their character that give me pause, yet I still attempt to see beyond them. An event may occur, or something they said or did may raise a red flag for me. At times, my concerns were triggered by their silence or inaction. However, I consistently endeavored to overlook these issues, extend grace, and allow time for them to prove that my instincts were unfounded. More often than not, my intuition proved to be accurate!
I don’t own the rights to this video
A Good Actor
For example, during my time in Louisiana, I collaborated with a co-worker who was very adamant at inviting me to spend time with him and his family. He appeared to be a genuine person and didn’t waste any time trying to get to know me. And being me, I was receptive. I’m lowkey in that I am sometime the last person to show up to a party, the first to leave, and I am levelheaded. I don’t have ulterior motives when I meet people, and I don’t meet people looking for what I can gain from them; I’m doing just fine. I probably have many things I could use help with, but I don’t seem them because I get things done, so I don’t interact with people for what they can give me, I do it because I enjoy good people. At first, he seemed cool. But over time, I observed that whenever it was just the two of us, he would pull out his phone, much like women do on dates with men they aren't particularly interested in, almost as if he was trying to appear busy or distract himself. Being my usual self, I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt, as I often do.
However, after I published my first book in 2022 and announced it on Facebook (back when I was still a member), sharing the link for people to order it on Amazon, I noticed something different. This same individual, who seemed like a good friend and always included me with his family, didn’t like, share, or even comment on my post. You would expect that the first person to celebrate your success would be a family member or a friend. Instead, what actually transpired was even more concerning!
Well, I’ll Be Doggone!
One of the co-workers who did purchase my book and recognize my efforts, liked the post, commented, and congratulated me in person was a paraprofessional with whom I had never spent even 60 seconds outside of work. Although he wasn’t earning much from his job, he still managed to show his support. Over time, I noticed that a few other people were either buying the book, liking the post, sharing the post, reading the blogs I wrote, or congratulating me - but he never did. My so-called "friend" never commented on my achievements or even inquired about what inspired me to write a book in the first place. I was reaching significant milestones in my life and receiving more acknowledgment and respect from people I hardly knew.
Eventually, I couldn’t ignore it. The absence of support, his behavior as if he had lost his voice whenever it was just the two of us, and his mannerisms made me seriously reconsider everything about him. I began to view him solely as a colleague and started to distance myself. It was a tough decision because he had done such an excellent job of pretending to be a friend and including me in his life; I cherished the people he had introduced me to, but I had to confront the reality that perhaps, just perhaps, there was some jealousy preventing him from being a "true" friend. The fact that I was making progress, single, free, and unencumbered might have been the issue. I learned that people are fine with you succeeding; they just don’t want to see you doing better than them!
“Why You Always Lying”
Along with cutting ties with people I once considered friends, I've also distanced myself from women. Not long ago, a woman I used to know reached out to me. She eventually mentioned wanting to visit Charleston, SC, to meet me in person and suggested we go on a date. As always, I was open to that. I generally enjoy spending time with a woman I find appealing. She was attractive and shared some of my interests. The last question I posed to her was, "When you come, how long do you plan to stay?"
I asked this because I intended to propose that she stay with me if her visit was going to last no more than three days. She has children, and I understood she would need to return to them; it seemed illogical to spend money on a hotel when we would be together for over 90% of the time. However, she abruptly stopped texting. Nearly four weeks passed, and then one night she messaged me out of the blue saying, "Hi, sorry, I was busy." I simply replied, "Yo, who dis?" I knew it was her, but by that point, I had already lost interest and deleted her number. Why?
Because a woman always has her phone close by. I didn't buy her excuse of being busy. What I believed was that she wasn't genuinely interested in visiting or following through with the date she proposed; it wasn't even my idea. I never ask a girl out - I always invite her out. Meaning, I already have plans on doing something I am going to do it whether she bails or not. I also thought she might have assumed my life would come to a halt, and that the only thing that was going to matter to me was waiting for her response. She proved my point even further by not even attempting to explain why over 27 days had passed since we last spoke. Over the course of my life, one lesson I've learned, particularly about many women today, is that they often employ manipulative tactics, games, and passive-aggressive methods to interact with men. I don't need any of that.
This wasn’t the first time something like this happened with a woman, so I picked up on it right away. Not to mention she lives 13 hours away, so I really didn’t think much of it. The only thing that made me lose respect for her besides the silent treatment was that it was her idea, not mine. But dating today has become a bit of a joke. As I mentioned in another article, some women feel the need to “humble” men like me who sincerely are okay on their own. It’s as if we are breaking some law of nature for being okay by ourselves and they elected themselves as the one to punish you for it. People spend way too much energy trying to enforce power dynamics instead of just having fun. I’m simple! Either you like me, or you don't. Honestly, I don't mind either way; what matters to me is that a woman is truthful. I can’t have fun with a liar, but I respect an honest woman.
“Only Serious Applicants Need Apply”
I had a different upbringing than most. It’s nothing for me to cut off someone who has convinced me they shouldn’t be close to me and then move on without a care in the world. People NEVER remember what they did to you - only that you stopped them from doing it. Born in Augusta, GA in 1993, my life took a turn in 1998 when my mother had to relocate my siblings and me to a completely different state (I might explain the reasons in a future article). We would occasionally visit our aunts, uncles, and cousins, but those trips were rare. In fact, the last time I saw many of them, I was between 6 and 9 years old. There are family members I’ve never met and some whose current status I’m uncertain about.
Now, as an adult, I’ve been trying to find my family and make time to reconnect. But it’s challenging trying to reach out to everyone now as an adult because it’s usually the parents who are supposed to keep in touch with their siblings, but my immediate family is also distant. I discuss some of the reasons for this in this article. I haven’t seen my mother or sister since 2019, and I lost touch with my brother in 2018 when he was arrested again; I had just helped him secure a job that he was supposed to start in a week. Why is this significant?
It’s significant because my “cut-off game” has been developing since before I could even tie my shoes. There are people I’ve intentionally cut off (fake friends, toxic family members, women), and there are others I didn’t cut off but had to learn to live without (cousins, family members I lost contact with). I have taken the “only serious applicant need apply” route in my life. I either hang with genuine people and/or I hang alone. I only care to challenge myself to reconnect with those I never had the opportunity to know, maintain relationships with true friends, meet new people, and spend time only with those who are serious about their own aspirations. I want people to leave footprints, not a bad taste in my mouth.