The Reason The World Hates Single Men
Every article I've ever shared on my website offers a glimpse into my thoughts. I've always been a deep thinker, and writing helps me concentrate on a specific subject. In each piece, I strive to maintain professionalism while being open and sincere. In person, I might express myself more vividly; the passion in my voice is evident when I discuss my experiences, and the joy I feel when talking about who I've become is unmistakable. This sentiment is no different when I reflect on my choice to remain single.
When people hear me say I'm single, they often mistakenly believe that I don't engage with women. I do interact with women and even go on dates. However, my approach to relationships has changed; it's now on MY terms. While marriage is a wonderful and beautiful institution, given the current trends in society and culture, it would be unwise for men to pursue it.
Don’t Be A Hypocrite
Why is it that when women express similar sentiments, they are celebrated for their "independence" and commended for doing the same everyday tasks (like paying bills, going to work, etc.) that everyone else does? Yet, when a man states he’s not interested in marriage or prefers to wait, people are quick to judge him. It takes a strong character to navigate this. I’ve always been quite good at not worrying about others’ opinions. But not every man shares that trait. Why do people harbor resentment towards men who appreciate being single, living independently, finding peace, and who do NOT prioritize women? Let’s discuss this.
You Can’t Be Serious!
I find it amusing when people claim that men should be leaders yet expect them to enter marriage without considering the evidence, especially when many modern women seem more focused on social media trends than on independent thinking. So many women have become similar in their thoughts, speech, and actions. This uniformity makes the prospect of dating for marriage rather dull! As a man, I often wonder, “Where are the women who aren't just another version of what so many men are encountering today?” You know the kind, the women who are solely focused on what a man has in his wallet, who claim they don’t need marriage because they’re financially independent as if that’s the main issue, and the women who prioritize power struggles over collaboration. For these reasons alone, it’s clear why many men are choosing to avoid marriage.
Considering the time a man might waste looking for a woman who can genuinely think for herself, hoping that a marriage won’t end in divorce, fearing he might lose half of his hard-earned assets in a divorce simply because "she wasn’t happy," and the thought of paying child support for children he can only see during visitation, men who care about their finances, time, and energy are opting to either say, "Nope" or take their time. You’d think that someone being so careful about their own life choices would be understandable, right? Wrong. Somehow, people still choose to criticize, speak poorly of, and even dismiss men who express that they don’t want to marry and prefer to lead a life they can control. But why?
Let’s Keep It Simple
Instead of providing a long list of reasons, I will focus on just two, based on my experiences with both GENDERS, starting with men and then moving on to women.
What Men Say . . .
I find it amusing when I come across men who appear to dislike or misunderstand other men who appreciate being single. It strikes me as funny because I usually expect women to have something clever or sarcastic to say, but when I encounter men who are upset by it, I think he must not have lived long enough. Ironically, the men who have caused me the most trouble regarding my bachelor status and my reluctance to marry have been older than me. You’d think they know better by now and would have the scars to prove it from living life, but like a moth to a flame, they can resist getting burned.
At just 32, I seem to have had far more experience than those men who question my judgment and assume I will suddenly decide to tie the knot one day. The only unsettling aspect is that these men often sound like they are on autopilot, almost robotic. They repeat the same weak arguments and reasoning to justify why they believe marriage is a great deal. "Oh man, don’t you want someone to grow old with?" Sure, that sounds nice, but growing old with someone loses its value if we no longer enjoy each other's company, like many married couples today. Or they might say, "But the Bible says, 'He who finds a wife finds a good thing.'" This argument would hold water if they actually listened to what they were saying instead of just reciting a Bible verse.
Yes, Proverbs 18:22 does imply that a man with a wife is blessed. However, what EVERYONE (including pastors) often overlooks, mentions, or admits is that the verse states, "He who finds a wife . . ." What does this imply? It means that before any man can legally have a wife, a woman must already embody the qualities and mindset of a wife. No, she isn’t meant to be married to someone else, but she should possess the characteristics of a wife. That being said, even though I don’t identify as a Christian or religious man (as I mentioned earlier), I seem to have a better understanding of the Bible than many men who attend church. I recognize that a woman must embody the traits of Proverbs 31 before I can even think about marrying her, and if she doesn’t, then what’s the point?
I don't mind whether a woman can cook or clean; I can do those things just as well, if not better than most women anyway. However, I do value a woman who is attractive, feminine, agreeable, can help keep the peace instead of creating chaos just for excitement, and is dependable. Nowadays, expecting such qualities in a woman, or anyone for that matter, seems quite unrealistic. So, when I notice men reacting to my choice to remain single or hear them present flimsy arguments to convince me to marry, I assume it's because these men lack an understanding of how women truly are, don't grasp reality, and are simply too afraid to think differently.
I believe my decision to be single, live independently, defy societal norms, embrace life adventurously, and have the courage to acknowledge it is what intimidates them. And frightened men have never been of help to anyone!
What Women Say . . .
Finally, regarding women who disagree with the notion of men being single, unmarried, living independently, and without a family, their reasons for opposing views tend to be quite simplistic as well. For younger women or those around my age, their perspectives often include remarks like, “You’re just scared of commitment,” “Who hurt you?”, or my personal favorite, “You just need to find the right person.” If it’s not some form of shaming or an insulting comment, it’s usually something that sounds pleasant but lacks real-life logic. I’ve even heard women claim, “The individuals who got divorced didn’t communicate before marriage.” Once again, that’s another amusing statement. I’m certain that if 100 couples divorced last year, 90% of them would believe they communicated sufficiently beforehand. It’s not solely about communication; it’s about being prepared.
Many people view marriage as finding your best friend and someone to share your life with, which it is. However, it’s ALSO about finding the person who will stand when you need to sit, fight when you can’t throw another punch, pray for you when you can’t utter another word, respect you despite your flaws, honor you in your absence, celebrate your presence, and choose to recommit to you every single day. That all sounds wonderful because it truly is! Yet, most individuals can’t even commit to making their bed in the morning or going to the gym for a week, let alone discuss marriage. Therefore, when I hear women react negatively to a man’s choice to remain single, it only reinforces what I already know - people are out here doing things just for the sake of it.
Clearly, these women, much like the men who are disconnected from reality, seem to have no clue about what they are discussing either. Finding the right partner is (1) not a simple task, (2) varies from individual to individual, and (3) is an ongoing journey rather than a one-time event. Discovering that you have married the right person will be a daily realization. Yes, you should choose to marry someone who has persuaded you that they are a suitable match for your life, but that’s just the beginning. Initially, they have merely convinced you through their consistent behavior that they are a good option. However, this is often before the arrival of children, the burden of bills, the weight of a mortgage, the challenges of caring for sick parents, the stress of relocating, job loss, health issues, financial struggles, and heaven forbid, infidelity. I’m not suggesting that every marriage will face infidelity, but I am hinting at the reality that who someone is BEFORE marriage may not always align with who they become DURING marriage.
There is NEVER a 100% assurance that marriage will succeed. As I mentioned, life tends to become more complex after tying the knot. Individuals who are not accustomed to managing complicated situations on their own (like exercising, living independently, budgeting, being the bigger person, making difficult choices, etc.) often struggle in marriage. Thus, it’s not sufficient to simply find the right person - in my view, both partners must consciously choose to be each other’s “right person” every single day after the wedding. From my perspective, many people appear to be weak, lack the resilience to endure, and do not genuinely grasp the essence of marriage. If I were to select a woman to have children with and/or share my life with, I would be extremely cautious in choosing someone who I believe has conflict resolution abilities, maturity, accountability (uh-oh), and who will take equal responsibility for nurturing the relationship as I do. Why enter into marriage if all the responsibility is going to rest solely on my shoulders?
When it comes to women who are old enough to be my mother, aunt, or grandmother, they often share similar views. However, they typically believe that my choice to remain single, live independently, and avoid marriage stems from a fear of something. They assume I am afraid of getting hurt. In reality, I don’t fear getting hurt; I simply feel uneasy about being with someone who might think that causing me harm is preferable to having a conversation or resolving issues. We’re adults, so let’s act like it.
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In Conclusion
I used to be someone who dreamed of marriage, wanting a wife to cherish and children to nurture. While I still admire those dreams, I've learned a lot from my own pain, heartbreak, and errors. This is what troubles people! The reasons people dislike or even hate men who choose not to marry and start families are countless. However, the most prevalent reason seems to be that men like me, who genuinely appreciate women, are simply not obsessed with them.
The men who disagree are often just repeating what they've been taught and may even fear that they might be on the wrong track. Women who disagree often think a man must be fearful, bitter, hurt, or incompetent. Both lack viewpoints lack maturity and class. Instead of both sides trying to understand why men feel this way, the tendency to criticize and shame men will always exist.
So, what should you do? Nothing. There’s nothing to do but live your life according to YOUR own vision. Most people will never understand what led you to where you are now, and that’s perfectly fine; just ensure you can stand by your own choices. Many will grow old and pass away without ever spending a single day truly thinking for themselves! It’s not that the world just hates the fact that you’re single, the world hates your freedom and autonomy.
